i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
