I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
can u get pink eye on your cock?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
