those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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