Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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