Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do vagina's smell?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
