I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
