guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
