half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
