Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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