I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
