What did we do last night that was yellow?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
