i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize