You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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