I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
