In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't think brook has ever known best
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
