??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
