Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
not ubering you a puppy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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