No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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