I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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