Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize