the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
