Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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