Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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