yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
