He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Found your dick twin last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
