When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize