there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
