it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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