Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
