I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We're too hungover to prance.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
