I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
