I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
