Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
