Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
