Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
