I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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