Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
