drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
