you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
