I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize