I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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