I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
