Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
