??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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