I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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