I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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