she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My vagina is very pro this idea
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
