Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
