mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
