I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
