I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
