Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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