I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
