one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
