i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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