It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
