I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Say something about gay babies.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
