We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
