I accidentally burped into my bong.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
