I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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