On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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