i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize