he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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