omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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