Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
