Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
