11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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