Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
