quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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