that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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