His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
