that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize