Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
