I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
