We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
