I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
