Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
