drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
