This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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