Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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