I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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