So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Did I show you my penis last night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
